a femme person of colour holds a pen at a display board while a lighter skinned person wearing a necklace gestures to it.


The Sexperts: from SHORE, UoG Wellness, Sanguen Health Center, ARCH, Dr.Milhausen, Dr.Watson, PhD candidate Nicole Jeffrey, Dr.Behnke-Cook, PhD candidate Angela Underhill, Graduate student Rima Hanna and Sheila Mirafzal from UoG’s NAKED Program

On Thursday, February 14 GRCGED hosted a Sexual and Reproductive Health Fair in the University Centre Courtyard. We had an “Ask a Sexpert” booth where people could meet with various people throughout the day and have their questions answered in private. There was a survey distributed before the fair and the anonymous questions where answered by the Sexperts throughout the day. Did you miss Part 1? Check out the first 12 questions here

13. I have achieved orgasm through solo masturbation (vibration on clit/hands while viewing arousing stimuli) but now find it hard to achieve when my partner is performing oral or using hands. Help?

This is a common source of concern- it doesn’t have to be a problem though! Many people have difficulty having an orgasm without vibrating stimulation of the clitorisis. Can you bring your vibrator into sexual activity with your partner? Lots of partners find this very arousing. Sometimes you can branch out to experiencing orgasms in different ways with partners but start with what works!

14. How do you stay intimate when you are depressed and not feeling like it?

There is nothing wrong with not feeling like it. Try to be tru to yourself and take care of yourself- it can be hard in a relationship but sometimes you really need to put yourself first. Consider having an honest conversation with your partner about how you are feeling. This might help relieve some guilt. Also consider setting aside some time on a regular basis (e.g every friday night) to be intimate with your partner- but develop an agreement that this time should be pressure free. Spend time cuddling for an example without TV, phones or other distractions. Talk, be silent/ find what works for you. Maybe sometimes you’ll feel like sex in these moments or maybe you won’t. Both are okay. The key is to spend the time together, close and intimate, without any pressure.

15. How can I have vaginal orgasms?

There is some debate on whether this exists as a “thing”. If it feels good and you are comfortable with it do it but if you can try to avoid having goals in sex (like vaginal orgasms) that would be good. Being too goal oriented can take us away from being present in the moment and aware of sexual sensations, making orgasm difficult.

16. I want to try a butt plug but am not sure what to do?

Make sure anal toys – like butt plugs – have a wide flared base and no sharp seams to prevent injury or cuts! There can be sets that have different sizes to help you get started and don’t forget the lube (gel and oil based)! It can help ease insertion. Don’t use silicone toys with oil gel/silicone based lube it will destroy the toy. Clean after use. Good quality silicone toys can be boiled or go through the dishwasher! Go slowly when you are inserting and when taking it out also go slow. If you use a toy with more that one person, remember to use a condom on it.

17. How come Guelph has no abortion clinics?

Anti-choice people protest. It’s not difficult to see this around Guelph (anti-choice clinic, bus ads). ARCH and Public Health can help provide you with information. You can get the abortion pill at the community health center on Thursdays. You can also call SHORE center for the pills and referral for the procedure or through this app www.choiceconnect.ca . SHORE can also provide you emotional support (if needed) while you go through this process.

18. How do I arouse my boyfriend without sex or oral, I am not comfortable with either?

There are a few things you can do but first make sure to communicate to your partner about what you are and aren’t comfortable with. Kissing, “dry humping”, stroking and using your hands on him are just as pleasing.

19. How do I ask my partner to get tested without him feeling offended?

There is no right way. Best to be honest and maybe even offer to go with him and get tested yourself! If him not being tested makes you uncomfortable and worries you this is all the more reason to bring it up. Healthy relationships are about having communication. His feelings might get hurt but getting tested not only ensures he is getting support but also that you can be worry free.

20. If participating in rough foreplay and stop is used for arousal but you actually mean stop is it a violation of consent?

If you have continued to verbalize that you do not like what is happening and they continue it is, regardless of if “stop” is your word for arousal. I would suggest however that you perhaps pick another word if it is starting to interfere with when you actually mean stop, like traffic light colours – red means stop in that instance. Consent is very black and white. If you don’t like something and someone continues to do it without any regard to you no longer wanting what they are doing then consent has been breached.

21. What do you do when your partner is very intimate and more sexually advanced and pressuring into doing things you are scared to do?

If something makes you uncomfortable then don’t do it. Communicate this to your partner. Have an open discussion about how you are feeling. Especially in terms of them pressuring you or you feeling pressured by them. Make sure you are getting your needs met and you feel validated. If they aren’t I would exercise caution. You matter. Your feelings matter. If someone is not receptive to this it may be a problem.

22. How do I learn more about the female body in terms of pleasure and about how vaginas are supposed to look?

Pleasure is not one way or the other. Everyone is different. That’s where the communication aspect comes in, talk to your partner and ask what they like or for them to tell you when something feels good. Ask “does this feel nice”? Typically females get the most pleasure out of clitorsis stimulation (rubbing with your fingers, tongue or with a toy) but like I said it varies. In terms of how vaginas look….the vagina is the inside, you probably mean the vulva (this is what is on the outside). Just like penises they will all vary. Some will have a darker clitorisis, some will have a larger clitorisis, some will become more wet more easily, some won’t…etc. Make sure you are reading from reputable sources but you can learn more here: https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/health-and-wellness/sexual-and-reproductive-anatomy/what-are-parts-female-sexual-anatomy

23. In one sentence what is the biggest misconception people have about your field/research?

ARCH: lack of knowledge of diseases and the need for getting tested regularly. Also, people with HIV or AIDs are not always gay men.

Dr.Behke-Cook: Not questioning information enough. Relying on information found on the internet as being the truth (social media, webmd).

Future sex therapist: that we’re all hypersexual beings and always want to talk about/have sex 🙁

24. In one sentence what is something you wish more people would know?

Lots of people have abortions.

The vulva is the entire external genitalia, vaginas are in the inside

Everyone should understand the menstrual cycle- not only people who menstruate.

Masturbation is healthy!

That Hep C is curable and the stigma that only gay folks and drug users contract Hep C is wrong.

STI rates have tripled. Even with more preventative measures out there condom fatigue and testing stigma perpetuate STI rates.

If you have more questions, GRCGED recommends the info from the SHORE Centre, all of the sex researchers at the UoG, and sex researcher Emily Nagoski has a book about women’s arousal that is based on SCIENCE that is in the library at GRCGED. Come check it out! Also, go to the Guelph Sexuality Conference! Students can apply to volunteer or can get a reduced conference rate.